Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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