Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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