This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
