I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
