if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
