He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
