If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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