Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize