i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
