Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
