I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.