Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
