Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species