Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
