before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
