I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
