This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
