My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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