Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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