It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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