if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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