I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
