You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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