just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize