I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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