A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
