dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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