if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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