How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
