Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
