I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
