There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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