I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
