Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
