birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
