when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
