i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
