I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
