For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
