dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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