we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
