I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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