she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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