I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Never underestimate the power of titties
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
