dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
