woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
