Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
