I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
