508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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