I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
