In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just high enough for therapy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
