Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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