Ambien. No doubt about it.
4 words: hood of his car
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
