he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
