The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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