Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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