I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
