Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He better not be in your backpack
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
