Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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