i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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