but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
