Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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