singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
