a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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