I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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