I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
