and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
