Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
