my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
