There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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