you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
