I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
