He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
