There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
