Apparently you make a good broom.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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